Brittany Says
by ToBeDet
Summary: Made-up quotes that Brittany would say.


**Um, Hi... I heard that stories without disclaimers are in danger of being permanently taken down and though I had never planed on putting anything up here I like my stories where they are thanks. I personally think that disclaimers are really stupid given that anyone who is actually published has a lot of better things to do with their time (time is money) than write fanfiction about it, yeah I said it, any published authors out there writing fanfiction about their own work feel free to prove me wrong. Anyway, if you haven't guessed already I don't not, nor is it likely that I ever will, own Glee or the people/characters what go with it. **

**Have a nice day. ****Love, Det.**

"Aren't the French mad at us for always stealing their toast?"

Kurt couldn't figure out how Brittany was in his AP French class.

* * *

"Why don't other animals wear pajamas? Until there is pajama equality across species I am refusing to wear any pajamas… it's a protest!"

Mercedes didn't know why they kept inviting her to their sleepovers.

* * *

"I find it hard to think and sing at the same time Mr. Schue, I don't believe this number needs any emotion behind it, it's about a sinking boat."

William Schuester decided not to give Brittany this lead until after someone had explained the Titanic to her.

* * *

"I don't understand why the baby didn't have a Mohawk"

Puck chose not to beat her up for mentioning Beth.

* * *

"If a penguin is electrified all its black parts turn white and its white parts turn black, I know this from personal experience."

Coach Beiste thought it best not to ask.

* * *

"Is your hair pink to remind you about your time-of-the-month so that you don't get pregnant again?"

It was an innocently asked question, but Quinn still tried to cut her.

* * *

"Do you think that angles watch us while we get dressed? Sometimes my neighbor watches me while I get dressed."

For Christmas Sue left some opaque curtains under the glee tree for her.

* * *

"I wonder if Lord Tubbington would be happier if he were tan, I'll take him with me next time I go."

Tina hoped that Brittany was kidding, but she doubted it.

* * *

"Can Canadians breathe underwater?"

Even though Finn had to think about it for a second, he knew that Canadians were human people too and therefore could not.

* * *

"Are all of you guys unicorns too?"

The Warblers looked around wondering how she had gotten all the way to Westerville and into their closed practice without anyone noticing, and where she had gotten a Dalton blazer.

* * *

"If we do this… and then end with that step it will make the lift a lot easier to come out of."

Mike thought that Brittany was a genius.

* * *

"Wouldn't you rather sing the song about the headband?"

Rachael wished Brittany would stop rubbing that mistake in her face.

* * *

"Aren't babies really bloody and stuff when they come out, and then it has to be changed and they get like rashes and infections really easily? How are you and Mr. Schue going to do that if you are, you know… ginger?"

Ms. Pilsburry had to be coaxed out of her office by her husband after she locked herself in missing all her appointments and the staff meeting after school.

* * *

"If zombies in the park really were looking for your heart they could never catch you, cause you have those hobbit powers."

Blaine just threw on his most charming smile at Brittany's comment, pushing all his resentment at being called short away into that small little corner of his mind that he kept undesirable feelings in, knowing full well that one day they would come crashing out, but that was a problem for future Blaine, man he did not envy future Blaine at all.

* * *

"Do you think if I tried hard enough I would be able to be Irish too?"

Rory didn't know what else to do except smile and nod.

* * *

"I know that you're a ghost, and that's ok, we can still be friends."

Matt looked up, startled, he was not expecting for someone to notice his presence after a year of following them around Brittany was the only one to notice him, it was a shame that no one would take her seriously, he was very lonely and his parents still thought he had run away, he wished she could lead them to his body in the forest but he didn't think that Brittany should have to deal with that.

* * *

"If you and Sam had got together you would be smartie, and then you would be a yummy candy and everyone would love you."

Artie squeaked, nervous that someone had finally caught him staring.

* * *

"When I grow up I want to be a kangaroo cause they don't need to carry purses, they have them built in."

Sugar nodded, this was a very good reason to choose a career path.

* * *

"Help, the sky is falling!"

Her mom should not have let her watch chicken little, and someone should probably explain to her how fog works.

* * *

"Do you think I could be on the wrestling team with you, I beat Lord Tubington last night for the first time?"

Lauren smiled nastily and nodded, she could use some fresh meat, but then she spotted Santana standing across the hall and quickly shook her head muttering that try-outs were over before stalking away.

* * *

"They say that you are what you eat which is why I don't eat carrots, I don't want to end up like you."

Jacob Ben Israel was too busy looking somewhere below her face to notice her gingersult (ginger-insult).

* * *

"Do you really hide snakes in you hair like they say and you cover it up by talking about God a bunch so people won't get close enough to see? The time I tried to hide Lord Tubbington in my hair they wouldn't let me into the movie and they put me in an institution for three months of freshman year, I had to take summer school and Lord Tubbington never got to see Mamma Mia."

Joe was sad to hear that people were spreading rumors about him already, although he was expecting it, he just hoped that everyone else didn't really believe that he kept snakes in his hair, though this is public school so he wouldn't be surprised if they did.

* * *

"Are the sheets and the things married?"

Terri Schuester couldn't deal with this annoying blond bimbo right now, she felt a stress migraine coming on from working so many shifts, really how did they expect her to work 3 days a week, isn't that like slave labor or something?

* * *

"I am here to stage a sit-in against the dissecting of numbers in my algebra class, it is cruel and inhuman."

She told Figgins even though he had already fainted at seeing her sitting in his pantry at his apartment.

* * *

"Sometimes I sing your advertisement when Santana is licking my…"

She was cut off by the sudden appearance of Santana's hand over her mouth, though Cooper could guess at what she had been about to say and was a little disappointed that they were in the school, because if they had been alone he would have tried to persuade them into a threesome, he loved it when it was two girls, though he might still try with that Sebastian kid who had cornered him in the Lima Bean earlier.

* * *

"It would be horrible to be a goldfish, you know they die if you feed them vodka, my mother said no more goldfish after that."

April nodded, that would be horrible.

* * *

"When you become a cheerleader people will stop pushing you into lockers, promise."

Becky knew that if Brittany thought she could be a cheerleader than for sure nothing could get in the way of her becoming one.

* * *

"Lord Tubbington does the best Chewbacca impression; maybe you two could get coffee together and hang out sometime."

She said interrupting him in the middle of his Darth Vader impression, Sam really hoped Britt was not trying to set him up with her cat.

* * *

"Sometimes people think that they need to be something that they aren't in order to be what they are, but I think that those people are dumber than a Christmas tree eraser, I got one for Christmas and it was no help at all on my English pop-quiz and it only got a 50% on my Chem lab report."

Dave Karofsky smiled thinly having stopped listening to her after the thing about people being who they are. He is gay, and

a football player, but not together, never together.

* * *

"You know he's a dolphin right?"

Azimio sighed and nodded. He knew there was something about Dave that had been off for a while. Ever since 5th grade when Dave suddenly became The Fury and pushed one of Rachael's dads down the stairs during the talent show he suspected something was wrong, but like an idiot he never said anything and now it was too late. He wanted Dave back, the kid who first said 'hi' to him in play-school even though he was twice as big as everyone else, the kid whose house he slept-over at almost every night from 5th to 8th grade when his dad started drinking again, the only one he could tell when he began to think about offing himself after his mom left. He missed that kid and although The Fury was only a ghost of who Dave was Azimio would take a ghost over nobody any day.

* * *

"I love you"

Santana loved her too.


End file.
